Notes on validation, adolescence, and the work of becoming for everyone

October 7, 2026—I don’t know about you, but end-of-summer-into-fall 2026 has felt extraordinarily difficult. The bad news seems to come from all quarters. It feels like too much to sit with, hold, or witness. There are some days I just want to pull the covers over my head. September was a very strange month for The Shiftless Wanderer as one of my TikTok videos went viral, and it continues to garner over 1000 views a day. In the post I spoke about traumatic invalidation and ho

September 25, 2026—If your experience as an IFS therapist or practitioner has been anything like mine, you completed your Level 1 IFS training, but somehow those beautiful sessions you witnessed in the training demos didn’’t manifest in your therapy office. Unlike the trainings, sometimes sessions can feel extraordinarily messy. We enter unknown territory, encounter clients’ parts and our own parts who befuddle us or refuse to unblend. Sometimes it feels a little bit like wan

September 9, 2026 — To be an adolescent therapist is to be willing to sit in the trenches; to be in extended uncomfortable silences; to navigate concerned, frustrated, and frustrating parents; to work with parts of us who are frightened for our teen clients and parts who are helpless in the face of our clients’ external circumstances and their pain. If you are a new therapist, even if you love teenagers, meeting them in the therapy room can be like walking into a minefield. E

August 27th, 2026 - There are several distinct memories I have from 2020, the year everything changed. I had never thought I could do therapy online, but here we were, meeting in people’s bedrooms, bathrooms (yes! bathrooms), cars, and beyond. Because we weren’t meeting behind the closed doors of my office, clients had the opportunity to bring in their partners, kids, pets, and parents. I got an inside look at how things were in their native environments. I met with kids and

August 12, 2026—Sounds like the name for a punk band, doesn’t it? Adolescents in the Basement Teens in the Cellar Youth Down Below Underground Kids Okay, I’m terrible at thinking of band names! However, I have come to realize that there is a particular phenomenon with teenagers in basements. My kids got up to all manner of things in the basement in our house as they went through Adolescence. Once, I came downstairs to my 18-year-old son’s basement bedroom, only to find a girl

August 5th, 2026 —I’ve looked high and low—on Amazon, used bookstores, and thrift stores; I’ve asked around, and I have not found the book that I wished I had, one I wanted to have on hand for my clients. So I decided to write it myself, and once I decided to do so, the ideas came fast and furious. The book I wanted had to have: A solid description of the essential nature of Adolescence; An introduction to the concepts of Internal Family Systems; Creative journaling prompts—s

July 22nd, 2026 —There comes a point in every therapist's journey when reading another book or taking another training isn't enough. You’re a professional now! You’ve read the books and done the trainings! It’s time now to sit with other professionals as colleagues and offer your expertise while benefitting from the wisdom of your peers. Being a therapist is a lonely profession. The work is done in an office alone or online. Just you and your client. You can’t talk about your

July 15th, 2026 - I recently started offering Parent Coaching services. I love this work! As you probably know, adolescents are my first love. To be in service to the scaffolding, ushering, and companioning of teenagers into healthy adulthood also means I find myself in service to those who do the sacred work of parenting them. Yes, I used the word sacred intentionally. Parenting teens is a profound act of stewardship. It requires sacrifice—a word which means to offer an act

July 8th, 2026 One of the most frequent complaints and concerns I hear from parents, teachers, and those involved in raising up teenagers is that their child is going to grow up to be one of those adults who thinks the world owes them something. As I'm writing this, I'm out walking through my little town—a town I genuinely love. And yet every day I watch adults, and teenagers I’m sure, fly through neighborhood streets in oversized trucks or loud little sports cars as though t