Notes on validation, adolescence, and the work of becoming for everyone

June 24, 2026—One of the foundational assumptions of Internal Family Systems (IFS) is that every person contains a multiplicity of parts. We are not a singular, fixed "I." We are made up of many different aspects of ourselves—parts that carry hopes, fears, wounds, desires, beliefs, and strategies for navigating the world. Beneath and beyond these parts is what IFS calls Self: the calm, compassionate, curious, courageous essence that exists within every human being. For many a

June 11, 2026—Most adolescent service programs already include many of the criteria associated with positive youth development. According to youth development research, effective programs foster connectedness, communication, collaboration, constructive activities, and opportunities for success in academic and social settings. These are important foundations. Yet despite decades of investment in youth programs, schools, behavioral health services, and community initiatives, ad

May 20, 2026—I’m sure you’ve experienced it at some point—you’re a parent who is simply trying to get your kid to clean their room, and they snap back at you like you’ve sentenced them to hell on earth. You’re a teacher firmly and respectfully attempting to hold that one student accountable who consistently disrupts class. He’s funny, sure, but disruptive, nevertheless. His sullenness radiates like a nuclear thundercloud. You’re the manager of the local grocery store and redi

It comes with the territory of being a human service provider, like a therapist or a teacher or parent or grandparent – people come to us in states of despair and hopelessness. Once you’ve listened to a few of these stories, it’s hard not to fall into those places ourselves. One of the gifts that the Internal Family Systems paradigm brings, not just to therapists and practitioners but to everyone, is a map that shows us a way through the dark places. Sal—A Story I started see

April 22, 2026— Lee-am was almost 13 years old when he started having significant behavior problems. He had always struggled in school and at home. By the time he was fifteen, he had multiple diagnoses, including ADHD, conduct disorder, and oppositional defiance disorder. The 40+ page report from the assessing psychiatrist noted many of Lee-am’s behaviors, presentation, and symptoms leading to the diagnoses. When Lee-am was 16, he was admitted to a long-term therapeutic deten

April 8, 2026 – A rhetorical question I often ask clients is — What other work is there to do but this—to explore how to be fully human on this planet today? In my opinion, that is why we are here. The rest of it is simply trappings. The question is an easy sentiment coming from someone who sits in circles of privilege. I do not face the troubles that so many do—fear of deportation, life in war zones, hunger, being unhomed. Yet, after sitting with clients who have lived throu

18th March 2026 — I’ll be the first to admit that I can be biased and critical of those who disagree with me politically. Without a personal relationship, it’s easy for my parts to slip into an “us versus them” mentality. When that happens, people get othered. A chasm appears between me and the other person—one that feels impossible to cross and miraculous to heal from the perspective of my protector parts. My Idealist and Social Justice Warrior parts show up fast when I’m po

March 4, 2026: The arrival of a newborn shakes up a family significantly. We know this, and we know it’s normal. In spite of the shakeup, there is delight, hope, joy. We track each milestone into toddlerhood, exclaim with pride, wonder, and sometimes sadness at how quickly the child grows. It is a celebration and even when it’s difficult, many of us can look back at those few short years as one of our most precious times as a family. When that child comes into their adolescen

February 18, 2026 – I have dedicated my academic and professional life to understanding and advocating for adolescence. To be honest, I have dedicated a great deal of my personal life as well to these strange creatures that walk among us. Why? Part of it was that I both hated and loved my own adolescent years. I was so aware during that time that something important was happening. I never would have put that into words, but I wrote many words about the experience, trying to c