Notes on validation, adolescence, and the work of becoming for everyone

A 6-Week Exploration for Human Service Providers If you work in a helping profession, chances are you've been told to “set healthy boundaries.” And chances are, no one really explained what that means—or how to do it in a way that actually feels doable and kind. That’s why we’re excited to introduce Boundaries with Integrity: Fundamentals of Boundary Setting for Human Service Providers, a 6-week online course designed to help you explore what boundaries really are, how to set

April 30, 2025 — Earlier I wrote about my admiration for an exemplary store manager and her young employees, illustrating how and why employers and managers are, indeed, adolescent service providers. The adults in the work world are instrumental in shaping how young people perceive work, employment, work ethics, managerial and leadership skills, workplace communication, responsibility, and accountability. This week I want to shift focus to bad managers—and explore how the adu

April 16, 2025 — There are several memorable lines in the fantastic series Resident Alien, a show that acerbically yet compassionately explores the quirky, paradoxical nature of being human. In one especially moving moment, Asta reveals a long-held secret to her adoptive father, leaving him feeling betrayed. With a tremor in her voice, Asta asks, “Are we going to be okay?” He responds gently, “Even when we’re not okay, we’re okay.” I’ve watched the series all the way through

April 2, 2025 — There is an interesting dynamic that occurs in many adult-adolescent relationships that has its roots in the archetypes of the Old Man and that of the Eternal Youth. These archetypal energies each hold one end of the tension wire, a mythic imperative to remain forever in relationship with one another, not ever quite coming together but never not in communion. This is nothing new. In the first hymn to Hermes in The Homeric Hymns, written down over 2500 years ag

March 26, 2025 – Learning curves are tough, and they never stop. As adults, we know that no matter how skilled or experienced we are in one situation, a new environment or challenge can make us feel like beginners. For teenagers, this is especially true. The transition from childhood to adulthood brings a host of new challenges, and these can feel just as steep as the ones toddlers face when they’re learning to walk or talk. Teenagers are faced with extraordinary challenges a

March 5, 2025 – You would think those words — “I’m doing it for you” would be music to our ears. However, sometimes they point to something less altruistic and more sorrowful. I started to hear those words differently and the sadness underneath them over the course of therapy with one of my teen clients. It was a minor but pivotal revelation. As parents, therapists, and other adolescent service providers, we want our teenagers and young adults to be paying attention to the wo

February 19, 2025 – Typically when we hear “service provider,” we think of therapists, coaches, youth mentors, and so on. I have always considered most of the world’s adult population to also be adolescent service providers. I have two stories for you to illustrate why I put grandparents and employers/managers under the umbrella of adolescent service providers. Managers in the workplace I have heard nightmare stories and gratifying inspirational stories about workplace manage

February 5, 2025 – This was going to be a brilliant posting about how the upheaval in our country since the inauguration can affect us as adolescent service providers, how to take care of ourselves through it all, how to be there for our young people, and what to do going forward. It was going to be such a wise and helpful post! Then I decided that I wanted to write instead on the ways that grandparents are adolescent service providers, why grandparents can be invaluable memb

January 22, 2025 – In this second part of the podcast Closing the Gap, Kacey Montgomery and I continued the conversation around Internal Family Systems, parts, the STEM fields, and dive further into the concept of Self Energy. Closing the Gap is a podcast that addresses the barriers and challenges for young women entering academic and professional fields of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics typically populated by men. Using some examples, we explore the follow