Notes on validation, adolescence, and the work of becoming for everyone

July 19, 2022- Few things will strike a level of terror in parents or activate such intense reactions in service providers or school staff as that of adolescents who have expressed the wish to kill themselves. There is good reason for the fear. According to a 2020 research article, one-third of people globally who die by suicide are young people between the ages of 15-29 years. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in this age group across the world. Our adolescents ar

July 5, 2022- In my conversations with teenagers, the one thing they consistently report that makes them want to be at school, allows them to connect with and respect a teacher, and promotes a safe school environment is feeling validated. The practice of validation need not require any extra time in your day. This practice has the potential to save you many minutes, if not hours, in the school day because discipline problems will be minimized a great deal. What is validation?

June 14, 2022- We know from research that as of 2018, almost 60% of middle schoolers and over 72% of high schoolers in the U.S. are sleep deprived. A more recent study shows that Covid-19 has significantly impacted adolescent sleep globally. So, we will assume that the number of teens walking through their days sleep-deprived is even higher. This means that if you are a middle school or high school staff member, 60%+ of your students try to sit, focus, socially relate, and ef

May 31, 2022- I have kept silent these last few days except for some vehement and articulate posts I’ve shared from others on social media. But I’ve had to keep quiet because my anger, which is intense enough to burn down the world, would have gotten the better of me in the wake of the recent killing of young children. In an elementary school. While police stood outside and waited. And the governor of the state said that the tragedy was “incomprehensible.” All it takes is a f

May 17, 2022- I hear this quite a bit from parents of teenagers who struggle. Whether the behavior is self-harming/cutting, suicidality, negotiating, debating, school refusal, complaints of anxiety attacks, and others, the experience of the parent oftentimes is they are being manipulated into: giving their child attention, raising alarms and setting crisis interventions into motion, letting their boundaries go squishy, letting their child stay home from school, walking on egg

May 4, 2022- Validating teenagers can be challenging. Throughout the adolescent years, there can be many situations where it seems there is little to validate. However, two of the guiding principles for validation are: We only validate what’s valid. And there is always something to validate. We can explore the validation process in a common situation that many parents struggle with—teens and the safety of virtual social interactions. Niko and his phone At 15 years old, Niko r

Apr 18, 2022- Your program may already offer some of the key ingredients of an effective adolescent program, as presented by youth.gov: connectedness communication collaboration constructive activities opportunities for success in academics and social setting However, many programs face a significant problem here in the United States as our young people suffer terribly. The crisis A 2016 research brief issued by Child Trends found that almost half of the children researched e

Apr 6, 2022- While the concept of validation is quite simple—the act of making someone feel they are of value—it is a surprisingly complex process, which could be why so many of us have a hard time getting it right. Validation is a critical aspect of relationships with our partners, children, and the people we interact with daily. In fact, I propose that it is the foundational relationship skill upon which all other skills are built upon. When we get it right, our relationshi

Jan 24, 2022- Did you know that the word adolescent comes from the root word “to adolesce,” the verb meaning “to become?” It is my firm belief, from personal and longstanding professional experience, that one of the key components in saving our planet and saving our humanity is to turn toward Adolescence. Note the spelling - Adolescence and not adolescents. Note the upper case “A” in the former and that I am not naming adolescent individuals as the key component, though, of c