Notes on validation, adolescence, and the work of becoming for everyone

Nov 28, 2022- Tarsen was 15 years old and towered above me and most of the other students in the alternative high school program where I was both teacher and director. Tarsen and I had a great relationship, in spite of the fact that Tarsen had come to the program with the label of being “oppositionally defiant.” It was easy to get into power struggles with him. He and I had worked hard to be mutually respectful and not engage in power struggles. However, one day Tarsen and an

Nov 14, 2022- It's always risky to explain or give reasons for a crisis, especially the mental health crisis facing young people worldwide, as the issues are tremendously complex. In a recent New York Times opinion essay, Teenagers Are Telling Us That Something Is Wrong With America, Dr. Jamieson Webster speculated on some reasons. She writes: We seem to have forgotten that adolescents are lightning rods for the zeitgeist. They live at the fault lines of a culture, exposing o

Nov 1, 2022- We are growing! With new readers and followers, I thought it might be a good idea to re-introduce The Shiftless Wanderer, what we do, why we do this work, and how. Let me start with the Why A 16 year old confides in their school counselor, who has assured them of confidentiality, that they are having suicidal thoughts and also some questions about gender. Within a few hours, the young person is called down to the office where there is a meeting with the parents.

Oct 17, 2022- Meeting a group of teens for the first time can be intimidating. Tapping into herd mentality for security, a group of two or more teenagers can promptly and emphatically turn their backs on strangers. Alongside the training you receive in the organization you are volunteering for, here are some tips to help you navigate the new terrain of teen services. 1. Move into a beginner’s mind. I had been working with teenagers for many years when I was asked to come into

Oct 3, 2022- I was one of those “better to ask forgiveness rather than permission” teachers. (Now that I’m thinking about it, I’ve been a forgiveness v. permission employee just about everywhere I’ve ever worked!) While I appreciate rules of order, my Inner Rebel shows up when they are unethical or result in unethical actions. As a middle school teacher, I once got called to the principal’s office for holding a “protest party” just before spring break. All classroom parties w

Sep 19, 2022- While there are many aspects to an excellent adolescent service program or an award-winning middle or high school program, one essential communication skill is needed in every program. If it's not there, your program will suffer. The lack of it will erode your kids' trust in your staff and the program in general. It will result in an environment where the emotional safety of the participants and possibly the staff will be significantly compromised. This vital re

Sep 6, 2022- I've learned from the teenagers I've served in a wide variety of settings over the last several decades of epic and sometimes traumatic failures by their providers. I, too, have done my fair share of screwing up and making reparations! I offer these lessons learned to help you avoid irreparable damage to your relationships with the teens you work with and to improve the efficacy of your youth program. 1. Be trauma-informed To be an effective adolescent service pr

Three-part video series. Scroll to see each video. Select CC for subtitles and adjust volume in the video control panel. Aug 16, 2022- Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Aug 2, 2022- For every young person who completes suicide, dozens more have attempted suicide. And for those dozens, there are yet more who live with ongoing suicidal thoughts and feelings. Sometimes we are fortunate to have young people who are suicidal come to us, their parent or teacher, or some caring adult and say, “I just want to lay down and never wake up.” They are telling us, in so many words, “But I don’t want to die, I’m struggling, and I need your help.” So, wha