Notes on validation, adolescence, and the work of becoming for everyone

August 12, 2026—Sounds like the name for a punk band, doesn’t it? Adolescents in the Basement Teens in the Cellar Youth Down Below Underground Kids Okay, I’m terrible at thinking of band names! However, I have come to realize that there is a particular phenomenon with teenagers in basements. My kids got up to all manner of things in the basement in our house as they went through Adolescence. Once, I came downstairs to my 18-year-old son’s basement bedroom, only to find a girl

July 15th, 2026 - I recently started offering Parent Coaching services. I love this work! As you probably know, adolescents are my first love. To be in service to the scaffolding, ushering, and companioning of teenagers into healthy adulthood also means I find myself in service to those who do the sacred work of parenting them. Yes, I used the word sacred intentionally. Parenting teens is a profound act of stewardship. It requires sacrifice—a word which means to offer an act

July 8th, 2026 One of the most frequent complaints and concerns I hear from parents, teachers, and those involved in raising up teenagers is that their child is going to grow up to be one of those adults who thinks the world owes them something. As I'm writing this, I'm out walking through my little town—a town I genuinely love. And yet every day I watch adults, and teenagers I’m sure, fly through neighborhood streets in oversized trucks or loud little sports cars as though t

June 24, 2026—One of the foundational assumptions of Internal Family Systems (IFS) is that every person contains a multiplicity of parts. We are not a singular, fixed "I." We are made up of many different aspects of ourselves—parts that carry hopes, fears, wounds, desires, beliefs, and strategies for navigating the world. Beneath and beyond these parts is what IFS calls Self: the calm, compassionate, curious, courageous essence that exists within every human being. For many a

May 20, 2026—I’m sure you’ve experienced it at some point—you’re a parent who is simply trying to get your kid to clean their room, and they snap back at you like you’ve sentenced them to hell on earth. You’re a teacher firmly and respectfully attempting to hold that one student accountable who consistently disrupts class. He’s funny, sure, but disruptive, nevertheless. His sullenness radiates like a nuclear thundercloud. You’re the manager of the local grocery store and redi

It comes with the territory of being a human service provider, like a therapist or a teacher or parent or grandparent – people come to us in states of despair and hopelessness. Once you’ve listened to a few of these stories, it’s hard not to fall into those places ourselves. One of the gifts that the Internal Family Systems paradigm brings, not just to therapists and practitioners but to everyone, is a map that shows us a way through the dark places. Sal—A Story I started see